I feel like abortions should bother me more
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
