I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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