mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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