When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
