i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
