so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
