This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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