I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
