her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
