we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
