i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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