Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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