I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
