I can text with my tongue
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
