but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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