I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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