is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
