just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
