I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
