at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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