so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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