why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
