We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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