oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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