you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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