so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did i walk over a car last night?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
