I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
