I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
