at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
