I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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