Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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