On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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