he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
