my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
