Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
