There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
