I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
