Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You pole danced in your parka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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