Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
