i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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