Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
