I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Everclear isn't food dammit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
