before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
