when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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