We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
