I don't usually arrange sex via text message
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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