is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
operation have a gay friend backfired
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
