Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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