I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
