i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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