i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
