btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
