im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
