Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm passing your future prison.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
